So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The uberlube is also flammable
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
