I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
