She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
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