I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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