so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
