oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Two words: blizzard sex
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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