My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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