You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
