and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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