Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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