Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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