It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
