I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
