I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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