A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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