How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
