We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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