OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
