Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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