i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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