If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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