after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
