My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
