sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize