Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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