i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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