Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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