He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
