Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
