Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
