Life is so much better after having sex.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
