I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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