can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
