saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize