I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
