So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
