you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
