Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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