mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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