Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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