you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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