Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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