Sponge bath it is.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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