im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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