she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
