threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
