I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
