Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
