oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Ketchup is God's man juice
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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