I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
