i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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