i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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