I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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