Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
