New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
