I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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