How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
