Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
