I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
