I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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