i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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