Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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