She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
