Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm always down for nudity.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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