Swine flu. Run for my life!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
