we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
