New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
