I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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