you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
