Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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