Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize