stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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