I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
