you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
